The magazine of the North Carolina Center for Voter Education • Saturday May 19, 2012

Road to the White House:
Looking Ahead to '48

By Bryan Warner
Published: Nov. 4, 2010

RALEIGH - The red ink was not yet dry on maps declaring a GOP wave in this year’s election when political pundits embarked on predicting early leaders in the 2012 race for the White House.

To them, I respectfully say: “Zzzzzz …”

Forget 2012. Done deal. We already know it’ll be Obama vs. Romney. (Right?)

Cutting-edge political junkies and in-the-know bloggers have moved on to where the real action is: ’48. That’s right, 2048. It’s totally up in the air.

What about the four decades and eight elections before? Old news. Those contests have been talked to death.

In sum, we’ll see the Democrats put up, among others: Hillary Clinton, Mark Warner and Ben Affleck. Even Bill Clinton will have another shot, thanks to the surely forthcoming 29th Amendment, repealing presidential term limits.

Some of the GOP nominees will be Marco Rubio, a couple more members of the Bush family and a 104-year-old John McCain. Schwarzenegger gets a turn, thanks to the 28th Amendment, which will state something like: “Congress shall make no law restricting Austria-born action heroes from pumping up America.”

A particularly close race will come about in 2036 when the Olsen twins square off -- one for the Democrats and another for the Republicans, though it is still unclear which.

But the blogosphere is really hyping ’48. Candidates are lining up and party activists are taking note.

Democratic insiders are looking to Sara Lynn Jackson. She brings a lot to the ticket. A Virginian, she could be the big break into the solid red-state-South the Dems so desperately need. She wouldn’t be the first female president (that of course would be Hilary … Duff), but she could electrify the women’s vote. Also, she seems headed for a noble career in medicine. Or as an astronaut. Or a princess. She’s only four-and-a-half, so there’s plenty of time to decide.

Meanwhile, the big buzz among the Republican ranks is centered on Bobby “Cuddle Bug” Gonzalez. Bobby is Mexican-American -- a big plus, as census projections point to the Latino vote rapidly growing for the next century. Also, he hails from Arizona, in the Southwest region where population is set to boom exponentially in the coming decades.

Some party insiders, however, do have their doubts about Bobby. At only 15 months old, he doesn’t have the experience of his presumed opponent. And there are rumblings that his baby face can’t convey the gravitas it takes to be commander in chief.

The campaign for ’48 has already claimed its first political casualties. There was Mary Lou Jones, whose Barbie-induced tantrum in the middle of a Pennsylvania Toys ‘R Us is being billed as this contest’s version of the “Dean Scream.”

Perhaps the biggest shocker thus far was the cooties scandal that broke as Californian Joey Livingston seemed poised as the golden boy in the race. The Livingston camp called an impromptu press conference where chief advisor “Stinky” McGee administered a “circle-circle, dot-dot” cooties shot to the candidate, live before cameras. The stunt failed to dissipate the damage done, and Livingston was out.

With Jackson and Gonzalez headed for a showdown, shadowy special interest groups have already sprung up. One calling itself “Kindergarteners After Truth,” or “KAT,” claims to have obtained documents in which Jackson colored outside the lines. They furthermore allege that she has eaten paste.

This match up is extremely tight, making even Bush v. Gore pale in comparison. By crunching numbers, most pollsters have concluded that the current red-blue polarization of the American electorate will only increase and further solidify in the years leading up to November of 2048.

In fact, some surveys show just one swing voter still up for grabs: Sara’s mom. Good news for Democrats, perhaps. But Mrs. Jackson insists that Sara can’t be president until she eats her broccoli.

It’s no use, Sara has found, to point to another presidential hopeful who refused to eat his broccoli.

Admittedly, predicting the outcome of an election nearly 40 years away may be a bit silly. But there’s not much more for an army of spinners, bloggers and talking heads to occupy their time right now.  Is there?

And what else are we supposed to do with all of these red-and-blue maps?